Boy oh boy, I woke up this morning all out of sorts. I had SO many dreams last night about my ex that when I woke up I really wanted to go downstairs and take it out on my wave master. Alas, my shoulder is healing and I can't use it like that YET.
Ironically, he wasn't actually IN my dreams (in person) but they revolved around him. The entire night was one ongoing dream about him cheating on me with his girlfriend and them being together for a good while before he and I broke up. It had random people in it and random places but every time a new location popped up, there was somebody there asking what happened and when I explained it to them, they were so confused and saying "well that doesn't add up. He was cheating on you as soon as he moved to DC". No kidding. I've had this happen in real life as well...as soon as I tell the person I broke up with my boyfriend in late September, he talked to me through the 3rd week of October saying he missed me and it was so hard not talking to me, and then by the end of October ignored me completely, they ALWAYS respond "That's too soon to just meet somebody and start having a relationship after being with somebody for 2 years, he was seeing her before that".
Anyway, I just wanted to write about the dream thing this morning so I can get it off my mind. I woke up being bothered because in the dream sequence there was a background of my ex traveling around with his new girlfriend here and there. Honestly the thought of this does bother me but not why you'd think. It bothers me because he always claimed he barely had any money. He owes my mom THOUSANDS of dollars and is paying her a measly $200 a month which is going to take him like, 6 years to pay off. So if he and his girlfriend really do do any traveling then he just needs to get his shit together, step up, and pay off my mom first. I think his plan is to hopefully get her paid off when he deploys in September over seas but seriously, that's like 3 years you've owed somebody money. Get your shit together.
So, with all that said, I'm going to get up and go make breakfast on this very cold and very snowy Saturday morning. I was up until 3am (night before was 1am and night before that 5am) so I'm a bit tired and have a headache. Plus, my shoulder really does hurt horribly today. I over used it yesterday because I took it out of the sling since that was annoying me. I had a few errands to do this morning before my Krav seminar this evening but I'm not sure I'm going to get out to do those because of this crazy weather. I REALLY can't wait to get out of VA and go somewhere warmer. It's going to be great to be able to pack up some winter clothes and put them away and forget about them, at least for awhile.
I'm also looking forward to busting out my flip flops for my trip next weekend to Los Angeles!! THAT is be a blast!
Not a whole lot has happened this week to report on. I did get a new car. However, I had no intention of getting a new car! I went to the dealership to see about refinancing my X3 because the payments were SO high and just killing me monthly. It ended up being $300 a month cheaper to lease a new vehicle and on top of that, it's a 4 series which is AMAZING. It's AWD which is great and has a ton of room. I didn't really need the SUV because I have the Jeep.
Alright well, breakfast time it is. I'm pretty hungry. Hopefully its a good day and I can indeed get out of the house for a bit. Snow boots it is. I miss you flip flops!
Here's to a cleared, peaceful mind and a good start to the day. Cheers.
Saturday, February 21, 2015
Saturday, February 14, 2015
Why I'm Perfectly Happy without a "Valentine"
Hearts, flowers, candy...
Red, pink, white...
Rinse, lather, repeat....
...It all starts to sound and look the same after awhile.
As a kid, Valentine's Day is exciting because you get to make handmade cards for your friends at school, have parties with all kinds of treats that your mom won't let you eat at 10am at home, and find out if that boy you like has a crush on you. As you get older, you become more aware of the fact that Valentine's Day is more about buying stuff than showing love. It's my personal opinion that if you can tell someone you love them 365 days out of the year, why do you need to have one specific day that's dedicated to that? So you don't look like a goober by telling someone how you actually feel? Trust me on this, take that leap any other day of the year...she won't think you're ridiculous!
I like Valentine's Day because I have a daughter who likes Valentine's Day. That's about the extent of it. If I'm dating someone, I don't want to feel the pressure of having to pick out something to buy them. Lets go out to dinner together or lets have a kid-date where we can take the kid with us and everyone can be happy.
Every year previous to this one I would dread this "holiday" if I wasn't dating someone. This year is a little different. It's been almost 5 months since I broke up with my ex and trust me when I say that February wasn't a month I was looking forward to. The 15th (tomorrow) would be our 2 year anniversary and with V-day being the day before that, I just KNEW I was going to sit and be a wreck all day. That was 5 months ago. Fast forward to...well, right now...
There is SO much more that is going on in my head right now but most importantly, I'm happy being by myself. I don't particularly care that I don't have a significant other to share today with because I have my daughter. My cousin is even visiting from NJ so I'm very much looking forward to seeing her today and going to dinner this evening. I have these amazing friends that put up with me day in and day out that I just love to the end of the earth because you KNOW they're good people to the core. I'm happy, I'm healthy, and I'm generally loving my life every single day.
There are definitely times when it would be awesome to sit and be able to text someone about insignificant details from my day or have someone that I knew was my other half or to spend weekends with but wishing for those times have become far and few between and for that, I'm SO thankful. When I think about a future relationship I may have, I don't think about my ex because I know that my next relationship will be different. There will be a totally different type of person that I'm with because I deem it so. I've made the positive changes that I needed to in order to break the cycle of dating the same type of person. So, for now, I'm content to just sit and wait for that person to be put in front of me when it's time. I don't feel the need to go on a hunt for him because I'm too excited to see what's in store for me on a day to day basis.
On that note, despite recovering from having my bicep muscle re-anchored, a bone shaved off in the top of my shoulder, and a rotator cuff tear repaired, I'm happy to say that February has started off and continues to show the promise of finishing out as a wonderful, busy, month. With or without a Valentine, 2015 is sure looking good.
So here's to actually celebrating the things that make you happy on a daily basis and finding that you don't NEED to have anyone but yourself, your family, & your close friends to make you smile. Cheers.
Red, pink, white...
Rinse, lather, repeat....
...It all starts to sound and look the same after awhile.
As a kid, Valentine's Day is exciting because you get to make handmade cards for your friends at school, have parties with all kinds of treats that your mom won't let you eat at 10am at home, and find out if that boy you like has a crush on you. As you get older, you become more aware of the fact that Valentine's Day is more about buying stuff than showing love. It's my personal opinion that if you can tell someone you love them 365 days out of the year, why do you need to have one specific day that's dedicated to that? So you don't look like a goober by telling someone how you actually feel? Trust me on this, take that leap any other day of the year...she won't think you're ridiculous!
I like Valentine's Day because I have a daughter who likes Valentine's Day. That's about the extent of it. If I'm dating someone, I don't want to feel the pressure of having to pick out something to buy them. Lets go out to dinner together or lets have a kid-date where we can take the kid with us and everyone can be happy.
Every year previous to this one I would dread this "holiday" if I wasn't dating someone. This year is a little different. It's been almost 5 months since I broke up with my ex and trust me when I say that February wasn't a month I was looking forward to. The 15th (tomorrow) would be our 2 year anniversary and with V-day being the day before that, I just KNEW I was going to sit and be a wreck all day. That was 5 months ago. Fast forward to...well, right now...
There is SO much more that is going on in my head right now but most importantly, I'm happy being by myself. I don't particularly care that I don't have a significant other to share today with because I have my daughter. My cousin is even visiting from NJ so I'm very much looking forward to seeing her today and going to dinner this evening. I have these amazing friends that put up with me day in and day out that I just love to the end of the earth because you KNOW they're good people to the core. I'm happy, I'm healthy, and I'm generally loving my life every single day.
There are definitely times when it would be awesome to sit and be able to text someone about insignificant details from my day or have someone that I knew was my other half or to spend weekends with but wishing for those times have become far and few between and for that, I'm SO thankful. When I think about a future relationship I may have, I don't think about my ex because I know that my next relationship will be different. There will be a totally different type of person that I'm with because I deem it so. I've made the positive changes that I needed to in order to break the cycle of dating the same type of person. So, for now, I'm content to just sit and wait for that person to be put in front of me when it's time. I don't feel the need to go on a hunt for him because I'm too excited to see what's in store for me on a day to day basis.
On that note, despite recovering from having my bicep muscle re-anchored, a bone shaved off in the top of my shoulder, and a rotator cuff tear repaired, I'm happy to say that February has started off and continues to show the promise of finishing out as a wonderful, busy, month. With or without a Valentine, 2015 is sure looking good.
So here's to actually celebrating the things that make you happy on a daily basis and finding that you don't NEED to have anyone but yourself, your family, & your close friends to make you smile. Cheers.
Sunday, February 1, 2015
2/1/2015 Bowl Day Lessons and Reflections
Well, being since it's the day where Americans bow down and worship a football and the guys that throw it around for sport and get paid multi-millions of dollars for it, I'm going to just go ahead & assume it's Super Bowl Sunday. I don't have a problem with the Superbowl or with football at all but I do generally feel like players are WAY overpaid for something that isn't that significant. They make a huge amount more than our military members make and they probably have better health care coverage as well. But, I digress, because this post isn't about football at all.
I've been toying around with doing another post but it just hasn't felt like it's been the right time and I don't want to feel forced to write. So the past couple days I've been sort of reflecting on how quickly this past year truly went. I tend to do that when there was a big event in 2014 and the same event arrives in 2015. Hence: SuperBowl. Last year, my Christmas gift to my ex boyfriend was a hand made puzzle box. It had 2 compartments. In one, I had purchased a David Yurman leather wrap bracelet that I knew he wanted and I put it in the smaller drawer. In the other drawer, I folded up the 2 pieces of paper that I designed telling him I was taking him to the SuperBowl. I spent awhile online trying to find a really good looking template that looked like SuperBowl tickets and then entered in info on them: Date, Time, Place, Given to you By: Best girlfriend ever. So anyway, I guess my ex knew ahead of time that I had gotten him tickets so when he opened his gift he wasn't that excited. I, however, was bouncing off the walls because it meant a trip to NYC for me as well and I'm always excited for that! I was truly disappointed at his lack of enthusiasm though because I had put a lot of thought into what I wanted to do for him. We did get to go explore NYC for a few days, spent way too much money like we always did when we travelled, and went to see if we could upgrade the seats I got him for the game because he wasn't happy with them. They weren't great seats, I will definitely admit that, but they were EXPENSIVE. I certainly was happy just staying in our seats and watching from where we were but there was kind of an attitude from my ex that was a bit annoyed that I hadn't gotten better seats. It was upsetting and a bit hurtful to me but hey, we talked it out and went on about our trip.
Lesson 1) Don't spend stupid amounts of $ on someone, ever, if they haven't done the same for you and if you know deep down inside that they aren't going to commit.
I am proud to say though, that I can sit back and reflect on these moments, and I'm not angry or upset. It's just a memory to me right now, an experience that I can talk about, something fun that I got to do and add to my list of cool stuff in my life.
Change of pace: Last night I went out with an old friend, and 2 friend's of his. My friend and I have known each other since 2008. He and I met up and watched a movie at his place and then went and had dinner and met everyone else at BW3's to watch the UFC Fight. I was SO excited just to be out because it's been ages since I've been out to watch a fight. Hanging out with people after you haven't done so in awhile tends to A) Wake you up even when it's way past your bed time (I got home at 230am which is unheard of) and B) make you think about why you're there. So here's what I came up with:
I was able to go out & spend time with friends because I WANTED TO. There was no second thought in my mind about maybe not doing it because I had someone I'd have to talk to about what their opinion and feelings about the situation were. There was no one to answer to or argue with and I didn't have to explain for the billionth time that my guy friend and I are JUST FRIENDS. We've been friends for 6 years and that's not going to change because he's a true friend and he's got my back when I need it and vice versa. I also have friends available to hang out with. What I mean, is that when I'm in a relationship, I tend to push away my guy friends for fear of the person I'm with getting jealous. It's so nice to not have to do that. I don't have to deal with someone who's insecure and is going to give me a guilt trip about being out. I realize this works both ways - I get jealous and insecure too. But if you've taken the time to introduce me to your friends, and I KNOW they're just friends, then go on with it. Have a fun evening, and I'll talk to you when you get back or if you have a break. Don't be hypocritical and get upset when I get jealous that you're going out with a female friend if you're not letting me go out with a male friend. There's lines for these things that need to be drawn and understood. But right now, I'm glad that there's no lines. I'd greatly like to find somebody that is okay with me having male friends, wants to meet them, come hang out, and is willing to do the same for me with their friends.
So, the fight was awesome, Silva defended his title like the Champ that he is and the commercials showing the spots for UFC184 at the end of the month have me wanting to get in the gym even harder and just train as much as humanly even possible. I have so much respect for the fighters and what they put themselves through and I'd love to be able to have their endurance and strength and skills.
Anyway, so my lesson for the day: It's much better to not be in a relationship and to be able to do what you want to do and not have to answer to anyone rather than to be in an on going miserable
relationship where you're giving everything and not getting anything in return except for
contradicting feelings and statements to what you're giving out. Yes, I want a relationship. But it's going to need to be with someone that's just going to let me be me. No more changing myself for people or putting off my family and friends because they make the other person uncomfortable or the other person wants you all to themselves. If they can't accept your family & friends then they're not the right person for you and really aren't accepting you as a whole.
Until then, so thankful for the true friends I have that were there before my relationships and that have stuck with me through them. You guys are the ones that pull me through all the crap and I'm thankful for every one of you.
Here's to true friends that have your back no matter what, taking a full year to realize some of life's most important lessons, being able to reflect on the past and be okay with it, and most importantly, here's to truly being happy with yourself and who you are. Cheers.
I've been toying around with doing another post but it just hasn't felt like it's been the right time and I don't want to feel forced to write. So the past couple days I've been sort of reflecting on how quickly this past year truly went. I tend to do that when there was a big event in 2014 and the same event arrives in 2015. Hence: SuperBowl. Last year, my Christmas gift to my ex boyfriend was a hand made puzzle box. It had 2 compartments. In one, I had purchased a David Yurman leather wrap bracelet that I knew he wanted and I put it in the smaller drawer. In the other drawer, I folded up the 2 pieces of paper that I designed telling him I was taking him to the SuperBowl. I spent awhile online trying to find a really good looking template that looked like SuperBowl tickets and then entered in info on them: Date, Time, Place, Given to you By: Best girlfriend ever. So anyway, I guess my ex knew ahead of time that I had gotten him tickets so when he opened his gift he wasn't that excited. I, however, was bouncing off the walls because it meant a trip to NYC for me as well and I'm always excited for that! I was truly disappointed at his lack of enthusiasm though because I had put a lot of thought into what I wanted to do for him. We did get to go explore NYC for a few days, spent way too much money like we always did when we travelled, and went to see if we could upgrade the seats I got him for the game because he wasn't happy with them. They weren't great seats, I will definitely admit that, but they were EXPENSIVE. I certainly was happy just staying in our seats and watching from where we were but there was kind of an attitude from my ex that was a bit annoyed that I hadn't gotten better seats. It was upsetting and a bit hurtful to me but hey, we talked it out and went on about our trip.
Lesson 1) Don't spend stupid amounts of $ on someone, ever, if they haven't done the same for you and if you know deep down inside that they aren't going to commit.
I am proud to say though, that I can sit back and reflect on these moments, and I'm not angry or upset. It's just a memory to me right now, an experience that I can talk about, something fun that I got to do and add to my list of cool stuff in my life.
Change of pace: Last night I went out with an old friend, and 2 friend's of his. My friend and I have known each other since 2008. He and I met up and watched a movie at his place and then went and had dinner and met everyone else at BW3's to watch the UFC Fight. I was SO excited just to be out because it's been ages since I've been out to watch a fight. Hanging out with people after you haven't done so in awhile tends to A) Wake you up even when it's way past your bed time (I got home at 230am which is unheard of) and B) make you think about why you're there. So here's what I came up with:
I was able to go out & spend time with friends because I WANTED TO. There was no second thought in my mind about maybe not doing it because I had someone I'd have to talk to about what their opinion and feelings about the situation were. There was no one to answer to or argue with and I didn't have to explain for the billionth time that my guy friend and I are JUST FRIENDS. We've been friends for 6 years and that's not going to change because he's a true friend and he's got my back when I need it and vice versa. I also have friends available to hang out with. What I mean, is that when I'm in a relationship, I tend to push away my guy friends for fear of the person I'm with getting jealous. It's so nice to not have to do that. I don't have to deal with someone who's insecure and is going to give me a guilt trip about being out. I realize this works both ways - I get jealous and insecure too. But if you've taken the time to introduce me to your friends, and I KNOW they're just friends, then go on with it. Have a fun evening, and I'll talk to you when you get back or if you have a break. Don't be hypocritical and get upset when I get jealous that you're going out with a female friend if you're not letting me go out with a male friend. There's lines for these things that need to be drawn and understood. But right now, I'm glad that there's no lines. I'd greatly like to find somebody that is okay with me having male friends, wants to meet them, come hang out, and is willing to do the same for me with their friends.
So, the fight was awesome, Silva defended his title like the Champ that he is and the commercials showing the spots for UFC184 at the end of the month have me wanting to get in the gym even harder and just train as much as humanly even possible. I have so much respect for the fighters and what they put themselves through and I'd love to be able to have their endurance and strength and skills.
Anyway, so my lesson for the day: It's much better to not be in a relationship and to be able to do what you want to do and not have to answer to anyone rather than to be in an on going miserable
relationship where you're giving everything and not getting anything in return except for
contradicting feelings and statements to what you're giving out. Yes, I want a relationship. But it's going to need to be with someone that's just going to let me be me. No more changing myself for people or putting off my family and friends because they make the other person uncomfortable or the other person wants you all to themselves. If they can't accept your family & friends then they're not the right person for you and really aren't accepting you as a whole.
Until then, so thankful for the true friends I have that were there before my relationships and that have stuck with me through them. You guys are the ones that pull me through all the crap and I'm thankful for every one of you.
Here's to true friends that have your back no matter what, taking a full year to realize some of life's most important lessons, being able to reflect on the past and be okay with it, and most importantly, here's to truly being happy with yourself and who you are. Cheers.
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