Well, being since it's the day where Americans bow down and worship a football and the guys that throw it around for sport and get paid multi-millions of dollars for it, I'm going to just go ahead & assume it's Super Bowl Sunday. I don't have a problem with the Superbowl or with football at all but I do generally feel like players are WAY overpaid for something that isn't that significant. They make a huge amount more than our military members make and they probably have better health care coverage as well. But, I digress, because this post isn't about football at all.
I've been toying around with doing another post but it just hasn't felt like it's been the right time and I don't want to feel forced to write. So the past couple days I've been sort of reflecting on how quickly this past year truly went. I tend to do that when there was a big event in 2014 and the same event arrives in 2015. Hence: SuperBowl. Last year, my Christmas gift to my ex boyfriend was a hand made puzzle box. It had 2 compartments. In one, I had purchased a David Yurman leather wrap bracelet that I knew he wanted and I put it in the smaller drawer. In the other drawer, I folded up the 2 pieces of paper that I designed telling him I was taking him to the SuperBowl. I spent awhile online trying to find a really good looking template that looked like SuperBowl tickets and then entered in info on them: Date, Time, Place, Given to you By: Best girlfriend ever. So anyway, I guess my ex knew ahead of time that I had gotten him tickets so when he opened his gift he wasn't that excited. I, however, was bouncing off the walls because it meant a trip to NYC for me as well and I'm always excited for that! I was truly disappointed at his lack of enthusiasm though because I had put a lot of thought into what I wanted to do for him. We did get to go explore NYC for a few days, spent way too much money like we always did when we travelled, and went to see if we could upgrade the seats I got him for the game because he wasn't happy with them. They weren't great seats, I will definitely admit that, but they were EXPENSIVE. I certainly was happy just staying in our seats and watching from where we were but there was kind of an attitude from my ex that was a bit annoyed that I hadn't gotten better seats. It was upsetting and a bit hurtful to me but hey, we talked it out and went on about our trip.
Lesson 1) Don't spend stupid amounts of $ on someone, ever, if they haven't done the same for you and if you know deep down inside that they aren't going to commit.
I am proud to say though, that I can sit back and reflect on these moments, and I'm not angry or upset. It's just a memory to me right now, an experience that I can talk about, something fun that I got to do and add to my list of cool stuff in my life.
Change of pace: Last night I went out with an old friend, and 2 friend's of his. My friend and I have known each other since 2008. He and I met up and watched a movie at his place and then went and had dinner and met everyone else at BW3's to watch the UFC Fight. I was SO excited just to be out because it's been ages since I've been out to watch a fight. Hanging out with people after you haven't done so in awhile tends to A) Wake you up even when it's way past your bed time (I got home at 230am which is unheard of) and B) make you think about why you're there. So here's what I came up with:
I was able to go out & spend time with friends because I WANTED TO. There was no second thought in my mind about maybe not doing it because I had someone I'd have to talk to about what their opinion and feelings about the situation were. There was no one to answer to or argue with and I didn't have to explain for the billionth time that my guy friend and I are JUST FRIENDS. We've been friends for 6 years and that's not going to change because he's a true friend and he's got my back when I need it and vice versa. I also have friends available to hang out with. What I mean, is that when I'm in a relationship, I tend to push away my guy friends for fear of the person I'm with getting jealous. It's so nice to not have to do that. I don't have to deal with someone who's insecure and is going to give me a guilt trip about being out. I realize this works both ways - I get jealous and insecure too. But if you've taken the time to introduce me to your friends, and I KNOW they're just friends, then go on with it. Have a fun evening, and I'll talk to you when you get back or if you have a break. Don't be hypocritical and get upset when I get jealous that you're going out with a female friend if you're not letting me go out with a male friend. There's lines for these things that need to be drawn and understood. But right now, I'm glad that there's no lines. I'd greatly like to find somebody that is okay with me having male friends, wants to meet them, come hang out, and is willing to do the same for me with their friends.
So, the fight was awesome, Silva defended his title like the Champ that he is and the commercials showing the spots for UFC184 at the end of the month have me wanting to get in the gym even harder and just train as much as humanly even possible. I have so much respect for the fighters and what they put themselves through and I'd love to be able to have their endurance and strength and skills.
Anyway, so my lesson for the day: It's much better to not be in a relationship and to be able to do what you want to do and not have to answer to anyone rather than to be in an on going miserable
relationship where you're giving everything and not getting anything in return except for
contradicting feelings and statements to what you're giving out. Yes, I want a relationship. But it's going to need to be with someone that's just going to let me be me. No more changing myself for people or putting off my family and friends because they make the other person uncomfortable or the other person wants you all to themselves. If they can't accept your family & friends then they're not the right person for you and really aren't accepting you as a whole.
Until then, so thankful for the true friends I have that were there before my relationships and that have stuck with me through them. You guys are the ones that pull me through all the crap and I'm thankful for every one of you.
Here's to true friends that have your back no matter what, taking a full year to realize some of life's most important lessons, being able to reflect on the past and be okay with it, and most importantly, here's to truly being happy with yourself and who you are. Cheers.
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