Technology has come SUCH a long way. When I got my first cell phone I was 15. The ONLY reason that my parents got it for me was that I started driving and they didn't want me to be without a way to call them if something happened. My phone was HUGE by todays phone standards. The bottom portion flipped down, the screen was TINY and it had a huge antenna that pulled out. There was no texting, no sharing of photos, no internet usage, no app for this or that. You dialed a number and you talked to whoever you were calling and you hung up.
With the onset of fierce technological advancements there are countless pros and cons. It's solely my opinion but the benefits of texting and apps have about a 50/50 split pending on what they're used for. Texting is great if you're not a phone talker like me. It's great if you need to send somebody a photo quickly of something you'd think they would like in a store or if you're busy and want to talk to more than one person (multitasking). Apps are great for games, notes, and easy access to various programs. However, with texting comes the ability to hide behind your words. Would you actually bully someone to their face? Maybe you would but I'm certain countless others wouldn't. Would you really stand in front of someone naked? My guess is probably not. Words and photos are used to get reactions from people over the computer and phone. Perhaps the young man that committed suicide in town was bullied over text or and didn't want to TALK to anyone about what was going on. Who knows. One thing I do know for certain is that my daughter at 8 years old asks for a phone and she absolutely won't be getting one until she starts driving. Even then, the probability is high that I'll be keeping track of absolutely everything that goes in and out of that phone.
My point to all of this swings around to address a subject that I'm unfortunately all too familiar with: emotional cheating. Yesterday I received a random text from a male friend that I've known since sophomore year in high school (going on 15 years now). I had a crush on this guy in high school but we never dated, never messed around, never even held hands. There's been no kind of romantic history. We were platonic friends and even now, we're platonic friends and that isn't going to change because with friendships that last THAT long, I never want to mess with a good thing by crossing that friend zone line into the relationship zone. Also, my friend has a girlfriend.
It's been proven that over 50% of men define cheating as physical intimate contact with a woman that they're not in a relationship with. They don't think that inappropriate sexual words exchanged with that other person is considered cheating. The majority of women define cheating as any action or word that is inappropriate and intimate with someone other than who you are in a relationship with.
That's how I define it as well. If I'm dating someone and they're having a sexual conversation in person, via text, over a website, on Facebook, through Snapchat, Tinder, Craigslist, or any other option out there, then they're cheating. They aren't being faithful to me and respecting me or our relationship that we have together.
My friend sent me a random text yesterday saying something I viewed as inappropriate. I blew it off at first but he kept on pushing the subject so I called him out on it. My exact text back to him read,
"I'm sure your girlfriend would love this. I'm not trying to play this game cause I'd be pissed if I were her. Jus' sayin. You shouldn't even be talking about this and I'm not trying to come cross bitchy but you're NOT SINGLE. In all seriousness, this is the shit I consider emotional cheating. That's what was done to me and I don't want your girlfriend to have to deal with it because it's disrespectful. You need to have respect for her and for your relationship with her. I've always believed that if you have to delete something so your other half doesn't see it then you shouldn't be doing it or saying it".
There's a line so fine between flirting and inappropriate that I truly believe it shouldn't even be stepped near. I absolutely refuse to buy into any kind of harmless flirting with ANYONE if I know they're in a relationship. I've had the majority of my exes emotionally cheat on me (I think maybe 2 out of about 5 or 6 I was certain I could trust) and I in no way, shape, or form wish that feeling on anyone else. I dare say that physical cheating is the lesser of those 2 evils because at least with that you can consider maybe it was only physical and maybe there wasn't any feeling behind it (not that I would choose either because both are an absolutely despicable thing to have done to you). With my last ex, there were women he communicated with through Craigslist personal ads, friends and ex girlfriends over Facebook messenger talking about his sex life and various things that he would talk about remembering doing with them, and texts sent with a couple females. When confronted about it he always blamed the fact that he wasn't emotionally stable because of his divorce and that he was "just trying to feel something again". I've also heard the excuse "it's harmless flirting" a ridiculous amount of times. It may be harmless to you and to the person on the other end that you're talking with but it is harmless to your partner that you're in the relationship with? (See my previous blog post on how our actions affect those closest to you).
If you have to delete anything or lie about anything to the person you're with, DON'T DO IT. Consider how your other half would feel if they found whatever text or message or snapchat or whatever that you were about to send. Be respectful of them and realize that once that line between flirting and inappropriate is crossed, the trust you have from your partner is gone.
Technology makes it SO easy to be unfaithful to someone these days. There's so many quick dating sites that have easy access apps. One swipe on your phone screen and you can either approve of and have a dating match in your area. One inappropriate photo on Snapchat can be sent in 2 seconds with the thought that "it's okay, it'll get deleted in 10 seconds". One ad can be answered on Craigslist Personals and you can meet up with some random stranger. REALLY?! Do we really want to devalue our personal relationships that we have with other people so that we can do these things? Is it worth it? Or is it more worth it to have some self control and true respect for ourselves and the people that we knowingly decide to have relationships with while keeping our circle of trust in tact?
I suppose it's just a matter of either pushing or not pushing a button on our phones or computers but if it's that easy to ruin a relationship, then I'd rather leave my phone off and close the laptop.
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