I don't USUALLY blog in the morning hours. I also am usually up before the sun these days and don't go to bed before 1130pm but I suppose since I fell asleep around 9pm last night I should have known things would be a bit off. It's 9am and I just fully woke up about 30 min ago. I started tossing and turning around 630 I guess but it wasn't just shoulder discomfort like it usually is.
I had a massively weird dream about my ex. Figures right? The dream entailed me being on some kind of cruise or vacation with my extended family (there's a lot of us so we were all spread out around this HUGE table during a meal). It was later in the year - late September to be specific - and the news was on. It was showing some kind of an attack overseas and I remember thinking that's where my ex was deployed to. After that, a messenger came in with a wrapped up letter and when I opened it, it was from my ex. I thought it was weird that he would write to me and not to his girlfriend. In the letter he stated that he didn't know if he was going to make it because there were a lot of attacks and such going on and that he was going to try and call at some point and to keep my phone on. A bit of time passed (a few days) and the exact same setting was happening in the dream except there were a lot of huge waves crashing onto the boat we were on and these fold down windows they had needed to be shut. My phone rang but there wasn't anyone there and then another letter came in and this one said "I'm sorry! I love YOU!" (Go figure right?). In the dream I got this image of my ex kind of all battered and beat up from fighting where he was. Okay so time passes a bit more and this time I was walking around the same boat but it had turned into this hotel area that was really really crowded with people. My family was sleeping on the floor in the halls because it was so packed. I got a phone call and when I answered it, my ex was yelling because of bad service and noise in the background. He said that he had been where I was and was looking for me but I didn't answer his texts as to where I was and he had to leave to get back overseas. I told my family it was him and Id missed him and one of them answered "Oh, well, it's just (insert his name here)." End dream.
Very weird but Im fairly certain it combined elements of the fact that he IS going to be deployed later this year with my wondering if something will end up happening to him under the circumstances he will be in. As far as the letters, my subconscious probably is wondering if he will ever change. No matter though because a) it doesn't actually affect me in reality and b) it doesnt benefit me to sit and wonder about his path of life.
So, I'm off to cook breakfast, hit the gym, and maybe even go see a movie today. I'm ready for it to get warm outside for sure. The rain and cold just makes it insanely miserable. Thank goodness for heated seats. :-).
Here's to being able to write down my thoughts so they're no longer on my mind and having a clear headed day! Cheers!
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