Today was a pretty epic day. My daughter had surgery for the first time this morning and had to be put to sleep with an IV for it. We've both known for the past week that this was going to happen today so all week she was pretty nervous. We talked through it a couple times a day and finally today she woke up and just flat out said "I don't want to do this but afterward I'm going to make a video saying I did something I didn't want to do and I didn't even cry. And then I'm going to send it to Mr. Wegert" (her karate instructor). You know what? She did too. She rocked it out and I was the one holding back the tears as the nurse stuck her with the needle for the IV. Granted, she was hopped up on laughing gas but all the same, I've got one brave girl and I totally don't give her enough credit where it's due.
But in the middle of all of that, while I was holding my daughter's hand, I had this moment of clarity that hit me out of nowhere. I truly already have the love that I NEED in my life. I've got this amazing, beautiful, kind-hearted little girl that needs ME. That's all I want anyway is someone to need and want me and I totally have that with no-strings attached. My daughter's love doesn't depend on what kind of job I have or if I have one at all. It doesn't depend on how busy she is during the day. It doesn't rely on what kind of mood she's in and it certainly doesn't leave just because she loves other people too. It's there, it's constant, and it's unconditional.
When you become a parent you kind of fall into this routine everyday and even though you have moments where you gain new insight, you still do what you've got to do everyday without fail, and you know your kids love you even when you screw up. Today though, looking into my daughter's bright brown eyes, I REALLY felt what it means to be a parent and to have someone that TRULY loves me. THAT is the most amazing feeling in the world because when she gets grumbly and moody and tired and when I get frustrated with her, I will look back on that singular moment and remember that THAT'S what this life is about. Maybe one day I'll find a guy that can love me unconditionally and be as pure-hearted and honest with no strings attached and no ulterior motives but for now, I've got what I need in the other room in my 8 year old daughter.
On that note, I also reviewed my bucket list today. I wanted to check off some things that were done in 2014 and add a couple things to it. My travel portion incorporates some places I've already been but would love to go again and explore new regions of the area. I finally feel at peace and like I'm in a good place where I should be. I'm looking forward to a lot of things and have made a couple new friends that are just pretty darn awesome to talk to and relate to. So, without further ado, here's my list and here's to finding true love and being back on track. Cheers.
TRAVEL
Already done:
Paris (City of Paris, various Chateaus, catacombs)
Italy (Venice, Tuscany, Vincenzo, Pisa). Want to see Sardinia & Southern Italy & take a gondola ride
in Venice
Alaska (Sitka, Juneau, Ketchikan). Want to see the Northern Lights
Niagara Falls (Canadian side)
Ukraine (Kiev, Petrovski). Want to explore the city more and see the architecture.
To do:
Australia
Barbados
Galapagos
Greece
Punta Islita
Hawaii
Grand Canyon
Mt. Rushmore
Dracula's castle in Romania
London - ferris wheel & palace, pubs & 2 decker bus tour
New Orleans for Mardi Gras
Bora Bora - bungalow over the water
Isle of Skye, Scotland (fairy pools)
Calla Lily Valley, Big Sur, CA (my favorite flower!)
THINGS TO DO
Already done:
Swim with dolphins
5k color run or zombie run
Hot air balloon ride
Kiss underwater
New Year's Eve kiss at midnight
To do:
Swim with manatees
Zip lining
Drive across the country
Have an art studio (in home)
Write a children's book
Learn fencing
Catch a jar of lightening bugs with Nat
Buy my own home
Do the luau in Hawaii
Mall of America
New Year's in Times Square
Certification for Scuba Diving
White water rafting
Mardi Gras
Get married & die old with the person
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