So, first, I realized I've still been dating these posts with a December date. Definitely something I would do. :-). At least I got the year right!
Anyway, so today has actually ended up being a stay at home day. I did our meal plan for the next few days so I can go shopping tomorrow for the stuff. LOTS of yummy food on the menu.
My girl got this amazing Lego set from her dad for Christmas so we've been putting that together for hours and watching the Jetsons.
More importantly, I've been doing some thinking today on what it means to be with someone and how someone makes you feel in a relationship. At the beginning of any relationship there's that "honeymoon phase". The first 3 months are phenomenal and then you start to get to know the person. I've had this in all of my relationships except for this latest one. We were friends for 6 months before we started officially dating so there wasn't really any of the honeymoon phase (he actually agreed with me on this once when we discussed it so I'm not downing that part of our relationship). I prefer this...being friends with someone first was incredibly beneficial. So after the "everything is perfect" phase, what do you move to within 6 months and a year and after that? How does that person make you feel when you're with them? The absolute best memories I have of my ex are 1) The first time he came over to my house and I walked him out to his car when he left he pulled me close and kissed me. One of those passionate, can't be rivaled by words moments. And then it started pouring down rain. It was seriously something out of a movie and I'll remember that moment and how I felt forever. 2) Laying on the couch watching movies with him laying in my lap and me playing with his hair.
I bring these moments to light because they're moments when I felt closest to my ex. I felt like we belonged together. They're small things but they stand out most because we were there together. We were present and our hearts were in it. As time went on, as previously mentioned in a different post, he was more distant, not present, no heart. There is absolutely nothing worse than being with someone and having them make you feel like you're alone. I've always said that complacency in any relationship will kill it quickly. Complacency is different than not being present and shutting out the other person though. So I think this might be filed under one of the reasons things came to a close. I said from the beginning that we were no longer on the same page and I've kind of just now been able to pinpoint how that made me feel. I felt very alone even when we were together.
Anyway, there wasn't a whole lot of point to all that except to get what I was thinking out and to put it to rest with everything else. I'm getting there (where I need to be). Baby steps. Little by little I'm finding my heart doesn't hurt so much and I'm getting back to a sense of normal.
So I guess here's to all the randomly occurring thoughts and emotions that pop up on quiet days. May they bring a sense of calm and quiet within ones heart and head. Cheers.
QOTD: "I had to leave. I felt lonely when he held me." -Warsan Shire
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