It's 10:30am. I'm exhausted, my heart hurts today. Perhaps it's making up for yesterday, I don't know. Part of the issue I believe is that I didn't sleep last night. My daughter had a 102 fever and I put her in my bed so I could keep an eye on her. She's the only one that did get any rest I think. The dogs didn't know what to think about having someone in "their" space on the bed so they were up and down most of the night. The alarm went off at 6am and I just didn't want to get up. I could feel that it was going to be a rough start to the day. Deep breathing, reading my horoscope, reading my positive message for the day, taking my calming tablets (I love Whole Foods...they have the best stuff). I made it through physical therapy alright and then the waterworks hit me in the parking lot. I MISS YOU. That's all I could think. What I wouldn't give to be able to have a text or a phone call just to hear your voice right now. It's really ridiculous how this whole thing works...one second I'm filled with a rage and the next second that's replaced by tears. I don't understand my brain and how it's processing (or not processing) things right now.
I went into the store to grab something and that Michael Bublé song "Lost" was playing. I felt like I was being suffocated and just had to get out of there. Thank goodness I was already at the checkout line. Therapy had the Keith Urban song "You'll Think of Me" playing and I wanted to just scream. Normally I love that song but I guess there's nothing normal going on with me right now so go figure. My favorite band Lady A has been totally ruined by all of this. The absolutely ONLY song I'll listen to by them is "Bartender". I can't even think about going back to a concert because that was OUR thing. We did 2 of their concerts with meet & greets, etc. I guess that's kind of down the toilet for now. Thanks for that.
I do know that the rest of my day is going to be kept decently busy by appointments that I scheduled so perhaps that will help. For now, I'm looking forward to having my daughter home after school so that we can spend time together. I look forward to the day when negative energy is banished from this part of my life. For now, I decided to write about this morning instead of sitting and stewing on it over and over.
More later I suppose...
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