See the title of this? THAT is how I'm dealing with the onslaught of emotions that randomly hits me. If you can't seem to even fathom how I feel, try this. You're just standing around, doing whatever you normally do during the day, and then BAM. You get tackled by a football player out of NOWHERE. You didn't see or hear him coming. What do you do? Well, since the game of life is going on around you and since it's not ACTUALLY a real football game, you take a second to process what just happened. Okay, I got hit. Accept it for what it is no matter where you are when it happens. I've been in the middle of a physical therapy session, in the grocery store, in a parking lot...the list goes on. It is what it is. You're human. You HAVE emotions. Recognize them. Next, figure out WHY you're having the feelings you are having. What triggered them? There may not be a trigger if you're like me sometimes, you might just be feeling the way you're feeling and that's okay too. After that, BREATHE. Breathe, meditate, whatever. Just take a few minutes to yourself because feeling better is about concentrating on YOU. And do it over and over...you'll find that eventually, that wave of emotions that hit is gone and you can go back to whatever you were doing.
For me, I was driving home tonight from Thanksgiving Dinner. I'm not even sure what I was thinking about but all of a sudden a wave of sadness settled in on my heart. I realized just how much I've wanted to text the ex boyfriend ALL day long. It has taken every ounce of restraint in every fiber of my body to not text him. Because what if he doesn't text back? Then I get hit yet again with feeling like crap and that's not fair. (The other part of me says 'oh but what if he DOES text back?' My answer....okay...but what then? It's not going to magically change anything and chances are once you get into a conversation, he will stop talking and you'll STILL be left hanging). I realized that I do miss him. I don't miss him because of the loneliness, that I can deal with. I miss him for all the good things about him that I know of. So, I let myself mourn that loss for the next 15 minutes. I sat and cried through it and let myself be sad. As much as I wanted to just try and push the emotions away, I've come to realize that I can't do that. I need to work through everything and process it and let it be what it's going to be because if I don't...I can't imagine the emotions and issues I'll carry into whatever next relationship I enter in to. Deep breathing for me has been my "go to". Meditation at night with candles has been my "go to". It clears my mind, it brings me positive energy to work with, and it settles my heart. It took awhile to figure out that meditation is easy. There's no right or wrong way to go about it. Whatever works is what you do. Clarity and peace are the end result that you want.
And so, I sit here with a clear enough head to realize that I still miss my ex but everything happened because there's a different path we were meant to take. I'm still at a loss as to why he was brought into my life since I spent so much time and energy on the relationship. But, I also know that the answer may not be clear right now and it may be years down the line before I even begin to see an answer. Maybe we're meant to be but it won't be till later. Who knows? The universe doesn't reveal it's secrets on my watch, that's for sure.
So, here's to breathing. Here's to relaxing. And here's to the dealing with what comes your way. Cheers.
Things that made me happy today:
1) A relaxing day with my daughter, my dogs, & my mom
2) Playing board games at home
3) Listening to my daughter giggle uncontrollably
4) Good food
Upsetting moments today:
1) Wishing I could just talk to my ex again and hear his voice or talk to him by text. Especially on a holiday.
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